Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"Crazy Timmy" Kaine's Budget Thru 2010- "His Prices Are Innnsane!"

Anyone who traveled through the New York/New Jersey area in the 80's– or God-forbid, lived there– would have been hard-pressed to miss the original "Crazy Eddie" commercials on TV and radio where this super-obnoxious "Eddie" would yell at you that his prices were so low that he was "innnsane!"


Our own Governor Timmy seems to have caught the bug with this first budget draft. Here's the highlights of his proposals which include freezing school teacher salaries through as long as 2010 (not administrative salaries mind you at $80k-$240k- just those "overpaid" teachers who make $27k to start out in some parts of VA and $37k here in Spotsy. But read it- it gets a lot better...
As read in The Free Lance-Star article by Chelyen Davis published 12-18-07:
(Timmy's presumed thoughts/comments in red as added commentary)

2008-2010 biennial budget Gov. Tim Kaine presented to the General Assembly's money committees yesterday:

CURRENT BUDGET (Shortfall?? Oh crap. We didn't see this one coming. We're normally so good at financial forecasting!)
In order to address a shortfall of more than $641 million in the current budget set to expire June 30, Kaine's proposal:

  • Withdraws $261.1 million from the Rainy Day Fund. (I'll keep this as quiet as I can and blame the Delegates if it leaks out)
  • Cuts $300 million. (Can you hear the applause? "Tim Kaine Wants Cuts to Budget Spending"... I sure can)
  • Uses $96 million in agency savings. (because my administration is all about the "careful spending")

2008-2010 BUDGET

  • To fund state operations from July 1 through June 30, 2010, the new budget spends slightly more than $78 billion on two years of revenues projected at nearly 81 billion. (we KNOW these incomes to be true, we always meet our estimates, so we should pre-spend that which is a sure-thing!)
  • No new taxes. (read that part carefully.... remembering that a "fee" is not a "tax"-- as in "abusive driver fees" that are so popular these days)
  • Boosts fee to renew drivers licenses by $10, to $15 every five years. (yep, MORE DMV FEES. Thank God I don't raise taxes...)
  • Replaces the annual $16 state inspection for vehicles with a $20 fee for an inspection that would be required only every other year. ("fewer inspections means safer cars" here on Planet Timmy, I'm sure the automotive industry is thankful for this blessing of FIFTY-PERCENT less business and opportunity to put tires and brakes on a car.)
  • No pay raises in 2008. (keep up the good work folks, you're making me look great, and deliver pizzas if you really want a little extra something special for the wife and kids this Christmas, errr I mean Holiday season.)
  • Increases teacher pay 3.5 percent and state employees by 3 percent beginning in July 2009. (of course I'm not reeeaallly gonna do it! But the press will print it and I'll look good saying it.)
  • $46 million to repair major gaps in the state's mental health services system identified after the Virginia Tech massacre in April; includes $14.6 million for crisis mental health care. (after all, the government should pay for your therapy issues)
  • $56 million to expand access to preschool programs from about 13,000 children to about 20,000 statewide by 2010. Kaine's goal is to increase eligibility to about 30,000 children by 2012. (nothing says "love" to a preschooler, like letting the government do it for you!)
  • $7 million in state subsidies to help businesses that employ two to 50 people provide health care for uninsured workers who earn up to twice the federal poverty level, or $41,000 for a family of four.
  • About $1 billion to revise and upgrade baseline education requirements for K-12. (the schools are doing such a good job now managing their money, let's give another billion and make them comply with a few more requirements and see how that works out)
  • Adds $44.3 million for operating costs for Virginia's colleges and universities. (professors need new Porsches too ya know, and your tax money should fund education all the way through medical school.)
  • Adds $36.4 million for student financial aid. (let's see, 50,000 graduates per year times $15k per year for college- yeah that should be enough to cover it)
  • Calls for $1.6 billion in bonds for construction on college and university campuses. (there we go- a couple "B"illion for new buildings, because we just can't have too many liberal arts majors in Virginia and every one of those illegal immigrants needs a seat in college too)
  • $68 million to recruit businesses to Virginia. (do they have to get results, or can the just spend it on travel and advertising in other state's publications?)
  • Reverts $180 million in general fund money authorized for road-building back to general fund for the first year of the budget; Kaine said he will restore the money for roads, rail and transit by 2010. ("I promise I will". Not that I'll be Governor then or anything to keep that promise... let's get this one straight-- "Crazy Timmy" Kaine is TAKING $180M FROM roads. Yeah, that'll stick good in the House of Delegates.)
  • Provides nearly $159 million through 2010 to provide special schooling and foster care for kids who've run afoul of the law. (in the old days- we called it JAIL, but it's more electable to call it "special schooling" since I don't want to actually lock anyone up for something that is "society's fault".)

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